Consider the Source

January 27, 2022

Can three little words get someone through high school? They did for me.

One day near the end of eighth grade, my best friend Anne and I were at her house discussing what a mean girl—let's call her Jennifer because most girls were named Jennifer back then—had said to me that day. I was pretty upset. Anne's mom overheard and asked us what had happened. Mrs. Haughney was one of those rare 1980s parents who looked you in the eye and listened carefully when you were talking. She was also never at a loss for words: If there was an issue on the table, you were going to hear her opinion. After we told her the day's juicy details, she said, "Yeah, that sounds pretty rotten. But consider the source."

I didn't understand, so she augmented: "Before you decide whether something is worth taking seriously, you should think about where it's coming from. Is Jennifer someone who builds people up or tears them down? If she's trying to hurt you, or if she's saying things that aren't true, then that says lots about her and nothing about you. You have my permission to ignore it all."

It was one of those life moments in which someone takes your hand and spins you 180 degrees, causing you to view the world from an entirely new perspective. Sure, it sounds obvious now that just because someone was trying to hurt me didn't necessarily mean I had to wind up wounded, but it was new to me then, and Mrs. Haughney's magic words came at the exact right time. They became the invisible armor that I wore for the rest of my teenage years.

Over time, I found that "Consider the source" applied far beyond interpersonal skirmishes, and it was super-useful as a framework for helping my own kids learn to be more objective, to sort clutter from value. You heard a rumor that he has a crush on your friend? Consider the source. A new exercise fad is sweeping social media? Consider the source. A pundit is ranting about sudden-death overtime rules in football? Consider the source. 

Three little words to last a lifetime... wisdom gifted to me with love, from a deeply considerate source.

—Deb